Toddler Chores and Our Good Works

I give Adelaide, who is not yet 3 years old, chores to do if she'd like to do them.  I don't make her do the laundry or dishes, but I do ask her if she'd like to do them and earn some change.  Sometimes she's eager, other times she'd rather play.

Doing the dishes means she helps put dirty ones in the washer or unloads the clean cutlery and puts them in the correct drawer, putting all the dishes away that belong in low cabinets and handing me the dishes that go up high.  It takes about 5 times longer to get the dishes done with her help, but we still do it this way, and she still gets a quarter.  

Last week I asked her if she'd like to earn a quarter and do the dishes.  She very sweetly let me know she did not.  So I started putting them all away, and finally there were only two kid plates left when she happened to walk in the kitchen, and she put those two in her "little kid things" drawer where they belong.  She looked at me with great pride for her work and then I gave her a quarter for her help.

The moment reminded me so much of the way God sees us.  There is no one verse or story that I am thinking precisely of, but a few come to mind.  The parable of the vineyard workers in Matthew 20:1-16, tells of workers who came to work early in the morning and others who came to work late in the day yet were paid the same.

 While there are many lessons within this one parable, there was one lesson I could take away from it after watching my daughter do the her chore.  Having her do the dishes really did not help me at all, in fact, when she "helps" it often creates even more work for me later.  But watching her do the dishes brings joy to me.  I love to watch her take pride in her work.  I don't pay her because she deserves the money, but because I love her and want her to be rewarded for any work she does no matter how insignificant it may be.  

Isaiah 6:46 speaks of our righteous deeds as they are dirty garments.  The most wonderful deed we might do to please God is still like a dirty rag.  It's sweet to see how Adelaide feels her two dishes have done me so much good, she feels she has done so much for me, and I look at her and smile, giving her the coin.  I suppose God is also looking at these GREAT works we are doing here on earth and smiling because really what we are doing is nothing, and very possibly even making a bigger mess than when we started.

These moments where God allows me to perhaps see things the way He might see them, strengthen my faith.  I mean, it makes the Bible more real to me.  I see how real it is, not just crazy words from long long ago.
At some point, if I am brave enough to do so publicly, I'd like to share how being a parent has, on another hand, made my faith difficult.  But with limited time, I should like to just send this blog out there on a positive note.

Narrah's birth

All hooked up

Ok. So now I get to the Labor and delivery part of Narrah's birth story.  (Read my previous post for the pre-birth story).
I hobbled my way into a large L&D room and filled out tons of paper work and legal documents.  And after an hour or two the doctor came in to get me started on pitocin and break my waters.  Breaking my waters (It feels wrong to make water plural doesn't it?) didn't hurt a bit like I thought it might.  It wasn't till much later  (maybe an hour later) I even felt the rush of water come out.  I thought I was uncontrollably peeing in my pants!  But the nurse assured me it was my water.
I found it a also surprising how long it took for the pitocin to kick in. They started it at 7:30  and at 11:00 Chris and I were bored enough to watch the most recent SNL online (thank you hulu plus ap on my iPhone).  But by about 11:30 I started having contractions 5 minutes apart.
The terrible thing about the contractions was that I found it difficult to manage the

pain.  I had two monitors strapped to my belly to check on baby and an iv in my arm pumping pitocin... Or was it fluids?  I think it was still pitocin.  So moving around to get in good labor positions was way more difficult than when I labored at home on a birthing ball or in a pool or on a stool at the birthing center.   (See Adelaide's birth post a couple years ago).  I also was struggling with back pain unrelated to labor that I came in with that made it difficult for me to move about.
Before going to the hospital a friend of mine that I met in the birthing center talked with me about her experience being transferred out of the birthing center and into the hospital.  She suggested that if you are going to have a hospital birth, why not just do it the way hospitals do it best?  I really liked that advice and went into this hospital with the attitude that I will just do what the doctors and nurses recommend.  I knew I had one of the best doctors in Austin, and that the hospital I was in was also one of the best; so I decided to trust their advice and help. I even put that in my birth plan, or as I titled it "birth notes" since we all know plans are rarely followed.
So after a while the nurse asked me if I'd like her to check my progress (see how dilated I was).  My first instinct was to go with the natural child birth community's belief system, "no, don't check right now, I don't want to be discouraged if I'm not progressing much."  I've read that sometimes too many "checks" can cause progress to actually slow down.  But the nurse said, "well if we check you and you are far enough along we can do an epidural if you want one."  To which I said, "okay let's check."
I was 4 cm and she said that was far enough along to get one.  She knew my natural childbirth past and also knew my willingness to do things differently and gently asked me if it was something I'd like to do.  I said yes but didn't feel sure if myself.  "Chris will you be disappointed in me if I do?"  He said something to the effect of he would do it in a heartbeat if it were him.  So I gave the ok to get it done and the anesthesiologist was there quickly.
Before putting the needle in my back he felt the same concern my doctor expressed when breaking my water "oh I don't want to ruin your clothes."
I really wanted to wear my own clothes, nothing special just an old maternity skirt on its last leg anyway, and a tank top over a camisole.  I hate how hospital gowns fall off so easily and show off your bare bottom when you walk around. Plus, the staff there really underestimate how good I am at laundry- every stain is out and I've even worn the outfit since.
Anyway, while wearing my cute casual and comfortable outfit, he put the needle in my back with a bone crushing type noise.  My feet became numb and my legs unable to move but 30 min later I still felt the painful contractions.  The nurse was concerned that I could still feel it- but I knew so little about epidurals, I thought they just took the edge off the pain.  But the nurse said I shouldn't feel anything and asked if I'd like him to come give me a better one.  Again my first instinct was "no," because aren't you suppose to feel the pain in childbirth?  But then I just asked her, "what would you do?"  Without hesitation she said, "get another one."
So he came back and did it again.  This time it took.  I had zero control over my legs or bottom.  All moving had to be done for me.  I never had that numb sensation before.  Even when they checked my cervix I felt nothing.  Had I not watched them do it I wouldn't have know they were!
So I laid on my side with a ball between my knees and my husband, nurse, and doula just chatted it up while I felt like I was no longer in labor.  I have no idea how long that went on for.  It seemed to go by fast, maybe an hour.  The nurse kept an eye on the monitor to see how my contractions were coming along.  It cracked me up that she knew and I didn't.  You would think the drugs effected my brain I was so light feeling.  Probably because I knew the immense pain I went through with natural child birth and hard contractions and just couldn't believe that wasn't happening at that moment.
When they were getting very close together she said she wanted to see how far along I was.  She just looked with her eyes, eyes that got really big as she said, "oh there is the baby's head.  Let's call Dr. Polon."  She had me push one little time before he got there.  Not sure why she did but the doctor was there quickly with a big smile on his face; I think he loves delivering babies.
He suited up and sat down and asked me to give a push.  The nurse told me how to breath and then push, and I did.  Such an odd thing to push with your abs I guess and feel nothing you are pushing out.  But I laughed.  Chris and I posed for a quick picture between pushes with huge smiles and excitement.  "Okay one more push sweetie," said my doctor.  He's older than my dad so he can call me sweetie.  One more push?! I laugh again and make a silly face with my tongue curled up over my lip as I push again. With that push I look between my legs and see the baby roll out like a ball and the first body part I see makes Chris and I say together, "it's a girl!"  I felt emotional but in a very happy and excited way.
The "plan" from there was to have her placed on me before cutting the cord just as I did with Adelaide and let the cord finish pulsing.  But for some reason the cord was too short so the doctor just had to hold her for a little while, cleaning her up and getting all the afterbirth out of her nose and mouth. She cried and screamed so much!  I loved it!  I had so many fears of how she might need assistance in breathing or looking alive after the medications I was taking- it was such a relief to see her so alive.

Looking at our baby girl!

Chris cutting the cord

Chris cut the cord and then I held her in my arms.  I loved that she was in my arms now.

First feeding

The doctor said I had a very minimal laceration, and sewed it up easily.  Of course I didn't feel a thing.  In fact I don't even recall pushing out the placenta.  I do recall him asking if we wanted it and Chris and I saying in unison "no" very quickly and then back to admiring our baby girl.
I was breastfeeding with no problems within 15 min of delivery, before they even took her weight and other measurements.  (I was surprised at this because I always heard they do all that and even bath the baby before letting you breastfeed- a pleasant surprise.)

In a little bit they took her with Chris to get a bath, and I was in the room without baby or husband.  I would have been completely alone if I didn't have my doula.  That was different for sure.  It was a month before I was that separated from Adelaide.

bath time

Adelaide seeing Narrah for the first time.
Wish I could have been there for that.

My doula and I just talked about the extreme differences between the two births and how I'm glad I did my beautiful natural birth before I did my beautiful epidural birth. :). I think I really needed the birth I had with Adelaide  and I really needed the birth I had with Narrah.

I couldn't get up for about two hours after birth.  Usually it takes about an hour to wear off they say, but I guess because I had two epidurals it took twice as long.  But it wasn't so bad.  I realize that with my natural birth I couldn't walk for closer to three hours because I was so faint- yeah I literally fainted the first time I got up with my first birth.   But when I did get up this time, it wasn't difficult at all.  I didn't have to waddle or have someone hold me up the whole way.  I just walked to the bathroom, peed easily and went back to bed.

That night was a little rough.  Someone was in our room almost every hour.  Every two hours someone would check on me and every other two hours they would check Narrah.  I didn't get a wink of sleep.

The next day was crazy too.  I can't believe how many people were in and out of the room with this test or that.  Lactation consultant, social worker, administration, nurses, hospital photo people, pediatrician, birth certificate people, and I don't know who else just in and out all day without a break.  I thought I might like the hospital stay thinking it would be as relaxing as the birthing center but I was very wrong.

My OBGYN came in and told me I did great the day before, and he praised my  "birth notes" telling me I should publish them on the internet for all to see (okay I will do that in my next blog post).  Then he said, "hey do you want to just go home today? You know what you are doing, you look great, I see no reason to keep you here."  We were happy to go home with hope of getting some sleep finally.

I guess Dr. Polon took all the nurses in the place off guard cause they were pretty upset with us leaving a day early.  We got pretty rude treatment from most everyone on staff from that point on.  We are still not exactly sure why- leaving early was the doctor's idea, not ours.  I suppose they had to try to do everything they usually do in two days in just one day.  But they did it and we were out of there by 7:00 and we were happy about that.

A few have already asked, and I'm sure more will ask- which did you like better?  I don't know.  A natural drug free child birth gives you lots of street cred.  But having an epidural and a very easy labor helped me recover in just one week rather than my natural childbirth that was so rough it took 4 weeks to recover.

On the other hand, was this one easier because my 10 pound baby made it easier for my almost 9 pound baby to come out?  If I did a hospital birth the first time, would I have had to get a C-section?

You have a 1 in 3 chance of getting a C-section just by having a hospital birth in America.  My doctor said that being induced increases that chance.  Some say (though I'm not positive if it's true) and epidural even further increases the chance.  This might be why two different nurses said "well I'm glad you were able to have a vaginal birth," as if they were surprised by it.

Maybe I was just lucky.  I really just don't know.  I just know I'm glad I did it in this order because I loved my experience of becoming a mother when I had Adelaide but also 'cause I'm thinkin' once you go epidural you can't go back!  Well- maybe some people can, but I wouldn't

Pre-Birth Story

5:30am getting in the Jeep to go have a baby.

My friend Miranda asked me to write about Narrah's birth and as soon as she did I felt a little embarrassed.  If you look back to a blog post a couple years ago, I wrote about my intervention free birth of 10 pound Adelaide at an Austin birthing center.  It was a beautiful and emotional journey that July day.  And this story is different... still beautiful, still emotional, but in way different ways.
My pregnancy with Adelaide was not super easy.  I had morning sickness for about 20 weeks, and aces and pains here and there.  But compared to this last pregnancy it was a cake walk.
From the beginning of this pregnancy I decided to have a home birth this time instead of a birthing center birth.  I was told many times, they are basically the same thing, only you don't have to drive anywhere if you stay at home.  But like I said a couple posts back, there was just so many things different this time.
Around 32 weeks I was in the hospital for dehydration due to a little stomach bug that had been going around town that almost put me into pre term labor to add to the list of not too complicated complications I'd had this pregnancy.  I went to the labor and delivery room where they helped stop contractions that could have led to a premature birth.  It was interesting to be there.  I didn't find the hospital to be too scary, and even a little nice.  I didn't like all the monitors they had on me the whole time, and thought, I sure am glad I don't have to do birth this way.  But it was nice to see how the nurses were so hip with natural child birth and breastfeeding, and they were not as cold as the ones you see on "The Business of Being Born."  I think I'm lucky to live in Austin and not NYC where it was filmed.

hunched over with back pain,
about to head to the hospital

When I followed up that hospital visit with my midwife, she noticed I had extreme itching in my palms and feet.  I told her how it has been keeping me up till 4am.  She said this is often a sign of cholestasis of pregnancy.  She sent me to get lab work and sure enough, thats what it was.
Go ahead and look up what it is if you've not heard of it, but in the end it puts the baby at risk of stillbirth, so the general rule of thumb in obstetrics is to get the baby out around 37-39 weeks.  This of course meant I needed to get medical intervention, which put me out of home birth and into the hospital.
Fortunately, I wasn't too bummed out about this.  With such a rough pregnancy, I was just ready to not be pregnant and just enjoy holding a baby in my arms.  Also with that little practice round at 32 weeks, I wasn't as afraid of the hospital environment.  I had a really great doctor caring for me, that all the midwives in town like, so I decided to go to him.
After a couple weeks of making sure baby was still healthy, Dr. Polon said it was time to set an induce date as to not risk anything.  I can't tell you how relieved I was.  No more sleepless nights rubbing my itchy feet on the carpet.  Hope of a normal bowel movement in the near future.  And best of all, holding a healthy sweet baby.
The night before the induction, I was cleaning house because I wanted baby to come home to a clean home... and as a result I strained my back!  I went into labor and delivery all hunched over and oohing and ouching.  They thought I was in labor already.
Nope just in a lot of pain already.  Let me tell you the rest of the story in a new blog post later.  Gotta go cuddle with said baby now.

I get it (now) Part Two: EC is not Potty Training

When I learned that in many countries babies were completely diaper free by age 1 and often babies were even using the potty on cue at birth I had to learn more.  Well... by learn more, I mean I wanted to figure out how I could get my baby out of diapers ASAP.  It didn't take long for me to stumble upon websites like DiaperFreeBaby.org and ECsimplifed.com.  They all want you to know up front:

She loved to bring her baby doll to the potty with her.

Elimination Communication is NOT Potty Training!
Yeah, Yeah, gentle communication, non-coersive, hippie talk.  I'm down with that.  BUT mostly, I was down with bragging to my friends that my baby was potty trained by month one and completely diaper free and potty independent by age 1 year.
Okay.  I have a brilliant, wonderful, super smart, creative 2 year old now who is still working on being potty trained... or potty "learned" if I stick to my hippie terms.  I'd say she is pretty advanced in it considering we've never done a potty training boot camp or anything of that nature.  There is just a little confusion in certain areas, like remembering to pull down pants before sitting on the potty and what not.
But what I finally get now is that Elimination Communication is not potty training... and that's not just hippie talk.
I loved doing EC.  As a cloth diaper person, it was nice to only wash about 20 diapers per week because she was using the potty almost every time, and for 6 months never went #2 in her diaper.  Just the fact that we weren't changing diapers, cleaning crazy poop bottoms, or washing tons of diapers, and spending money on extra detergent, for that first year makes all the EC effort worth it to me. So I don't feel it was a waste of time, and will likely try it again for this next baby.
I just had this unrealistic expectation that when she started walking she'd naturally not need me any more and just walk to the potty and go.  Hm.  That's not what happened.  Not only is that not what happened but she got so active I quit keeping up with her as much and was un able to sense when she needed to go and take her in time.  Some of that was really just me being lazy and EC is not for the lazy.  You really have to be completely in tune with your kid.
She was still not ready to just take herself to the potty even though she could walk.  No where did I ever read that when kids start walking they start being potty independent.  But that was in my head and so when it didn't happen I threw the baby out with the water... wait, the baby stayed, but the cloth diapers, the trying to do EC, all that got thrown to the curb.
So I get it now, EC is not potty training after all, it really just is a way to be a little more sanitary with your baby's potty needs and saves diapers and washes.  Maybe it helps with potty "training" in the future.  I'm not sure of that since I gave up just a little too early probably.  But regardless, I loved doing EC that first year and would... will... do it agin!

I get it (now). Part 1

I'd like to start a series on my blog called "I get that (now)."  But the truth is, I probably won't get past part 1 because I have so much trouble getting around to blogging (this post has been written in 2 sentence chucks for day now and in my brain for weeks).  Also I'm not a legit blogger so who has an audience that cares if I have a "series."  Regardless, I'm going to try and I will start now with... I get that now part 1.

Starting at about two and a half years ago till about 15 weeks ago, if you told me you were pregnant I'd recommend  The Business of Being Born."  And if you watched it and still planned a hospital birth with a doctor and/or (much "worse") an epidural or be induced, I would be stunned.  Buuuut, I think I kinda get it now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still planning a home birth, and pray there is no reason I need to be transferred to a hospital.  But I do get why people want to do it and okay, I now no longer believe you are crazy if you are that person, because I think I get it and if that's what you need to do, I am totally supportive.


When I was about 14 weeks pregnant with this current pregnancy I had a huge scare.  I was having a lot of back pain that I assumed was constipation.  (Yes, constipation.  It's one of those "normal" pregnancy things that I experienced with pregnancy #1 and #2.)  So while I'm at the pharmacy trying to pick out something to help move things along that is also safe with pregnancy I felt like I peed a little in my pants... which I usually don't do just standing around, but another "normal" pregnancy symptom of second, third, fourth, pregnancy (sometimes 1st) is you sneeze-pee, cough-pee, run-pee, you get the point.

So I darted to the restroom to avoid embarrassment- I'm didn't have my baby bump to justify myself at this time so potentially super embarrassing!  When I got in the restroom I saw I had spotted a little and then as I sat to use the restroom, a huge flow of blood came.  Immediate freak out.  Who wouldn't?  I quickly exited the pharmacy, got in the car, and called husband who was out on a Sunday bike ride with our daughter without his phone.  When I got to the house I called the midwife and she told me to remain calm, which I was not.  I was crying, because I believed I had lost the baby as that is the only reason I have heard of for having large amounts of bleeding this early in pregnancy.  She told me its okay, it does not necessarily mean I lost the baby but I was pretty sure she was just trying to keep me calm.  She told me to go to the ER so they could check me out.  Since it was a sunday it was my only option.  Fortunately, as I was exiting my house and posting a note to my husband on the door, he rode up and was able to come with me.

On the short ride to the ER I did calm down, and just excepted that I was having a miscarriage.  I thought about how I would tell people.  I called a friend to come pick up Adelaide so she didn't have to spend the afternoon in the ER.

The insensitive doctor at the ER told me I was most likely having a miscarriage, but its "not a big deal.  50% of women have a miscarriage, so its not uncommon.  In fact that's why you really shouldn't talk about being pregnant till you are well into your second trimester."  That was ridiculous.  I'm not going to go into the many ways I think that doctor needs to go back to med school and learn bedside manners, or maybe go back to elementary school to learn manners in general.

So they wheel me up to the ultrasound room to take a look at the baby.  This bothered me, I'm not sure how they should have done it differently, but I wasn't really eager to see a dead or dying baby inside of me.  But when we started looking, we saw the baby with its head, eyes, 2 legs, 2 arms (we didn't ask for the gender stuff) and that baby was moving around with a heart beating just as normally as possible.  The ultrasound tech said it looked great in his opinion.  But I was still bleeding with no idea why.

The ER doctor gave me an exam, which I hope never has to happen again in my life, because I'd rather have someone trained specifically in "that area" checking out "that area."  He said everything looked normal, but there was a "50% chance" I would "loose the baby in the next 2 days."  To which I asked, "well then why would I be bleeding if I'm on the side of not loosing the baby?"  To which he responded, "nobody knows." Of course I found out later lots of medical professionals know the answer to that question, even a google search I did had the answer to that question, so actually he just didn't know.  But not the point.

The next two days I laid in bed not wanting to move an inch.  I didn't nurse my child because I was afraid maybe that would have something to do with it, I didn't even go #2 in case that had something to do with it!  I was very scared.

Then on day 2 I went to the midwife's office and she checked for a heart beat.  For two days I had no idea if I had a living baby inside of me, but then I knew with the sound of a normal heart beat, I did have an alive baby!  That afternoon I went to a doctor who partners with the midwives and specializes in high-risk pregnancies.  Though his own wife had home births and he wrote a book on natural child birth he probably has done loads of c-sections and very medical like births due to the nature of his specialty.  They took a look and saw my very healthy baby in there and at my placenta a subchorionic Hematoma.  It actually happens to about 20% of women.  Some women are not even aware it happened, and sadly it does result in miscarriage some of the time, but not all of the time.  I asked the doctor, "do you think this means I shouldn't have a home birth?" I was pretty sure he'd tell me I needed to go with him instead.  "Nope, I don't see any reason why you can't have your baby at home."
Even though the doctor who specializes in hospital birth told me I didn't need to come to the hospital, I still felt this need to go the medical, hospital, doctor, don't-trust-my-own-body route.  That whole situation was just so scary.  What if some other scary thing happened that I didn't see coming?

Well with time, I've come around to my normal self who says things like, "Well I could also have a stroke right now, and I'd be a lot safer if I stayed at a hospital for my whole life instead of hanging out alone with a toddler at home." or "What if choke on my food while I'm alone and no one can rescue me?  I should only eat in the presents of other adults."  But that's not life, I don't play the what if game like that, so I'm not going to do it with something as natural as giving birth.

But back to natural and normal.  NOTHING about being pregnant or giving birth feels natural or normal.  Vulvar Varicosities???  Let me just say if you are a man, do not click on that link, you might be scarred, in fact, if you don't have a strong stomach you might want to just stop reading this post right here.  And women, only check it out if you are in your second pregnancy and in a lot of pain down there and want to know how to get relief.  My husband says my V2 Supporter, that has basically given me life back since I discovered it, looks a bit like if Victoria Secret started making climbing gear.  Yeah so feeling like you have bricks tied to your vagina pulling you down all day unless you sit down does not feel natural or normal at all.  Then there was the day I was at a coffee shop enjoying a beverage and pastry when suddenly I broke into a terrible sweat tried to stand up, fell down, while my sight went completely blurred and my ears started ringing and everything around me was muffled.  Yeah the only other time that has happened besides pregnancy is a few minutes after giving birth to a 10 pound baby.  So that also does not feel normal to me.  That hematoma?  Not cool!  Not something I experience on a regular basis.  Sneeze-peeing?  Gross.  Not normal.  Acne, age spots, teeth problems, uncomfortable sex and I won't even go into all the weird things about actually giving birth to a baby!  Well not in this post.



What I am trying to get at without giving more horrifying symptoms I have had that are totally "normal" is that nothing about being pregnant seems normal to me!  I totally get why you would want to go to a hospital with drugs, constant monitoring, people who will babysit your baby the day its born so you can sleep after a long labor.  I even see why you might just go in and choose for someone to do surgery on you.1  Being pregnant and having a baby is just totally weird, uncomfortable, and does not feel at all normal or natural... to me.

In my quest to try to apologize for sounding judgmental in the past about natural child birth I've probably offended some still because I am still very ignorant about somethings without knowing it.  But I'm learning.  I hope you choose to have a birth that leaves you feeling empowered and amazing and strong.  But if you choose to do that in a way much different than I do... I think I get it.  You go girl.


1I'm aware cesarean section is not always a choice, but I'm also aware its a choice people make because I almost went that route myself before doing some research that talked me out of it.  Did you know that 98% middle to upper class women in Brazil opt for c-cection and most doctors have never even seen a 100% natural birth? TANGENT    

Been there, Done that, loved it, doing it again.

I don't know how it works, but it seems every weekend for sometime, my daughter and husband sleep in (its almost 10am!) and I wake up early (okay 8am) and get a few things done and enjoy a quiet morning alone.  I really like it!  So why not blog on this beautiful Saturday morning?

With my belly growing larger I have been getting questions about what I will do differently this time around.  Well... not a lot.  Chris and I just have been talking about it and we just have a great kid.  Its hard to imagine doing things differently when things have worked out pretty well as it is.

One little thing of course is where we will have the baby.  I already blogged about the back and forth decision between birthing center and home birth.  The decision is home birth.  I'm looking forward to not having to drive anywhere while in labor or having to drive back while in recovery.  I just watched "More Business of Being Born" and watched the episode called "Special Deliveries: Celebrity Mothers Talk Straight on Birth."  I'm not huge on following celebrities, in fact I had to google who half of them were!  But I correctly assumed they wouldn't be showing any births and for some reason I just have no desire to watch births right now!  Some of the women had C-sections, some had a no-intervention or little intervention hospital birth, and some had a home birth.  They were all positive stories though.  It really encouraged me and gave me a little more excitement about home birth.

Priceless moments, sweet sleep for both.

Since we've had several tiring nights over the past couple years, people always ask if we are going to do sleep related things differently... assuming we will say yes.  Well, my answer is- just a little bit different.  I did know we even had a sleep "problem" with Adelaide till she was maybe 6 months old.  I was waking up A LOT with her.  We started off with her sleeping in a basinet next to the bed which worked great for those first few nights when she needed to be fed every 2 hours to establish a good milk supply in me and a good breastfeeding relationship for us, and of course breastfeeding went great. But doing that started a habit for her falling asleep at the breast and getting used to nursing to sleep and being held to sleep.  Now in a natural wonderful world that would be okay.  But unfortunately, unlike the early days of humanity, we don't have a community that expects a mother to give 100% of her time to her baby.  In those days it was extremely important not to let a baby cry in the night or it could put the tribe in danger of attack.  Community would help the mother with cooking, cleaning, and sometimes even breastfeeding each others children.  Ah, but we do not live in this society and we live in a wake up at 7 do your business 8-5 and go to bed by 10... children at 7.  So as natural as it may be to let the baby fall asleep at the breast, it just doesn't fit into how life works in the USA.  So I will only make MINOR adjustments to sleep patterns.  If I were a mom that had to work 8-5 I may beed do more adjustments but since I do have flexibility and my working husband has a very flexible work schedule, we don't need to stress too much about it.

montessori bedroom- worked great for all of us.

I got my hands on a book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution," when Adelaide was a little too old for the easy newborn tricks.  I think they may have worked.  Like when I see her starting to doze off at the breast, go ahead and take her off just before she falls asleep and put her down.  Also, putting her down to sleep alone more often than holding her as she sleeps.  Though with this second baby, I probably will do both- hold the sleeping baby and let him/her fall asleep at the breast because it is so sweet and I want to cherish those precious moments!  I am just going to attempt to do it much less.  But yep, still not going to try the cry-it-out, still occasionally going to sleep with the baby, still going to meet the baby's night time needs (emotional and physical) just like we would in the day time.

Self feeding at 6 months

She got into my underwear drawer
and tried them all on;
also put on my flip flops
"being mommy"

Will we still put a mattress on the floor instead of a crib?  YEP!  Still going to allow self-feeding normal rather than baby food or cereal? Oh yeah!  Will we still let this one explore things in our house (making sure all dangerous things are way out of sight) even though it creates more trouble and mess for us?  YEP!  Will we let this one help us salt the food for dinner even if it makes dinner taste like it took a bath in the ocean?  Yes indeed!  Will I let this baby crawl on the floor in the mall, and walk away from me a pretty far distance at Target (where I can still see) even if it causes people to ask "where is your mommy?" It may just be her personality or it may be because we gave her all these opportunities, but this kid has become very confident and feels she can accomplish so much.  One day, I was preoccupied with something when she asked for me to get her some taco meat for breakfast.  "One minute baby."  After a minute, I turn around and she has scooped her meat (left over from night before and in the fridge) into a bowl, and was taking it to the microwave!  I think if she could have reached the microwave she would have opened it and pushed start!  We are just so amazed at this 2 year old, its hard to imagine doing things differently.

Elimination Communication at its cutest. 

Still going to do Elimination Communication?  I mean Adelaide isn't even potty trained still!  Yup, still going to do that too.  Only this time I will adjust my expectations that held us back last time.  I saw EC as a way to get the girl out of diapers by the time she was one year old.  That might could happen, but its pretty difficult in our society.  I'm not going to put that pressure on myself and get disappointed if it doesn't happen.  But doing EC was so fun with Adelaide.  I loved that experience of getting to have a method of communication with my baby even if it was about poop and pee.  Not to mention it saved hundreds of diapers!  If anything, I think I will just keep it up next time instead of giving up.  But I do think it is why she is not afraid of the toilet and has not been resistant to using the potty now.

Rock climbing at the Grand Canyon

Oh, and on that topic, I sure hope I don't give up cloth diapers at one year, but keep it up till potty trained.  No promises there, but cloth really is so much cheaper, better for the environment, and better for the baby; they are also super bulky in the diaper bag!

Naturally the second baby is going to be different than the first.  It is just impossible to do everything exactly the same considering the first time around we didn't also have a 2 year old in the house!  On top of that, you never know ahead of time what the baby's personality will be.  They might like other things than the first, or have different needs or different emotional reactions to events.  We just gotta see.  But for now, we don't see why those basic ideas of what to do with a baby from age newborn-2 years has to be much different than the way we did it with our beautiful sweet baby Adelaide.

Baby Wise

I am mostly posting this blog for myself- so I don't forget.  I often read over my blogs as a journal for my forgetful self.  But honestly I also hope someone, maybe someone pregnant, adopting or hoping to someday do one of the two, will stumble upon it as well.  Maybe someone who is crying as she listens to her baby cry out of fear and loneliness in her crib because that's what the "Christian book" said to do.  I hope mothers and fathers can discover that this author does not represent the biblical way and will find freedom in throwing it in the fireplace... Or just the trash can if you live in Austin, Texas where you never need a fireplace!

Imagine some guy at church with no medical or scientific background, no phycological or early childhood training came up to you and told you how you should breastfeed and train your child.  Then you also find out that he was once on staff with the church but was asked to step down because of some character issues.  Would you be ready to pick up a book he wrote about how to raise your children?  I'm guessing not.  But so many very smart and well meaning people are following a man with these qualifications in a cult like manner.

Understand that I know you can find something negative about anybody on the Internet.  Even my favorite person Fred Rogers has negative stuff out there by terrible people just out to try and ruin his reputation.  However Mister Rogers' negative press can be debunked where as Gary Ezzo's is backed up by several resources that make me very concerned for the many Christian parents I know that think his book is the parenting bible. Do a simple google search "Gary Ezzo" and you'll find plenty out there.  But here is a link to a timeline I found about him and his wife sited with many sources to back it:

http://ezzo.info/resources/timeline

I simply could not subscribe to this style if feeding my child by someone who has no medical background, no B.A. no B.S.  not even an Associates degree!  Only a Master's in arts from a theology school that does not require a previous degree to enter their program.  And to see the kind of person people in his church and ministry found him, makes him no person I'd take parenting advice from.

A site I really like, though it could really use a good web developer on it, is Gentle Christian Mothers.  Below is a link to their website and the second is a link to more info and support for people effected by this method of child-rearing.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com

Unprepared for Parenting

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/topics/unprepared.php

Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. They claim to be Biblical, yet they misuse Scripture and weaken and strip parents of an essential God-given gift--their intuition, and leave them unprepared for parenting.

Setting boundaries with a nursing toddler... for people who are terrible at setting boundaries.

Yes, I am "still" nursing Adelaide.  When she was born I began the practice of feeding "on cue."  This practice is not for everyone, but for us it created a quick bond in breastfeeding, helped give me confidence, and feel connected with my daughter as we were mutually communicating with each other from the start.  I believe it really got her off to a very healthy start- her weight gain was perfect.  But somewhere along the line... I think maybe close to her one year mark, "on cue" became "on demand."  Le Leche League uses the two phrases synonymously, but I find there to be a difference.  "On cue" describing more of the innate reactions to being hungry, and "on demand" describing wanting the milk and demanding it, regardless of hunger.

Being so used to our perfect breastfeeding relationship I don't think I really picked up on it.  In the mom groups I'm a part of, its actually not even looked down on so it didn't occur to me to be a problem.

But finally it started to feel like breastfeeding in general was a problem.  I just couldn't handle it any more, I tried to quit cold turkey twice.  I would go one or two days without it and she would be so sad, and I was so sad too.  There are several health benefits to continuing breastfeeding into her toddler days so I didn't REALLY want to quit.  But feeding several times a day was becoming too much, and feeding at any hour and any place was getting to be a real difficult situation.  Picture a toddler in the seat of the grocery cart just at breast level, lounging out of the cart, fussing "milk! milk!" as you walk down isle 8.

Boundaries.  That's what we were missing.  I stink at setting boundaries.  And telling her "wait till we get home" wasn't working either.  She didn't understand when we would be home.  Sometimes I'd feed her in the car, sometimes in a restroom.  We lacked a consistency.  Sometimes at home I had time to feed her, sometimes it just wasn't a good time... i.e. while cooking or going to the bathroom.

Here's the part where I tell you how I did it....

So I found a way to set boundaries in a way that kept me more consistent and in a way that she could understand.  I bought an alarm clock intended to help children understand when to stay in bed and when it was okay to get up in the morning.  It has a red light (red stay in bed) that stays on till the alarm (noiseless) goes off and turns green.  So I set the alarm for when I will be ready to nurse her again.  I also try to keep in mind when she typically wants to nurse which right now is about 4 or 5 hours after the last time.  When we are sitting on the couch and she wants to start nursing (her habit is when I'm sitting she crawls in my lap and start nursing if she is bored).  So as she starts going for my shirt I say in an excited way, "go look at the light."  She runnnnnns to her room and looks at the light and if its red she simply goes on with her day.  Sometimes she so cute as to say "awe mannnnnn" with a smile.  If it is green she runnnnnns back to me happy as can be and pulls me into her room to nurse.  Sometimes she is so excited that the light is green that she stops nursing just to smile at the light and say "light greeeeeeeen."  She loves it.  I think she isn't even that upset about the fact that it is red so often.  It seems to be something she looks forward to.  I love it when she discovers it green without me prompting her.

The first day we did this I set the alarm often so she could learn that every time it is green she gets to nurse.  I also kept telling her, "okay, we're going to nurse in your room from now on any time the light is green."  So she has somewhat got that idea down.  I remind her often, but when she remembers she doesn't get too upset.

And thats that.

Sometimes when we are out she still wants to nurse and I just ask, "what color is the light?"  She looks around and I say, "the light is at home, we will have to wait till we are home to see the light."  And then she more or less drops the subject.  She might bring it up again in 10 min, but its okay, we're still working on it.

One more thing.  I got some advice from someone who weaned her 2 and a half year old not long ago.  She said she kept it very light and not too serious and it went over pretty easily for her daughter.  I thought that was excellent advice so though I'm not 100% weaning right now, I am trying to keep this process pretty light (no pun intended) as well.  So I never say "the light is red" with a serious face.  If I don't get too upset about it she won't either.

Small, simple, and easy diaper bag... That does not look like a diaper bag!

A few months ago I left my wallet in the car with the car unlocked and the next morning my wallet (and GPS on an unrelated note) were gone.  This huge frustration led me to think about the question "WHY did I leave my wallet in the car unlocked?"  As I broke it down, I realized the reason was because I had way too many things (along with one beautiful toddler) I was lugging in an out of the car every day.  The evening I left my wallet in the car, I thought, well that's one less thing I'll have to carry to the car in the morning.  Dumb.  

So I needed a new solution.  I felt my huge diaper bag with 7 cloth diapers in it, and everything else I needed to take care of a baby on the run, had to go.  Plus, I needed to buy I new wallet.  So I hit the mall, hoping to spot just the right thing.  And I did!  

In Hallmark Gold Crown Store of all places, I found the perfect bag, not at all marketed to be a diaper bag!  The brand is baggallini and I have since seen it in many other shops.  They come in many styles and colors, and I tested out all the ones in the store by putting diapers in them, and all my other junk just to see if it would fit, and this one worked.  

The one fall back is I had to give up cloth diapering... at least "on-the-go" which was a slippery slope that led to no cloth diapering ever.  My little one refuses to wear them after I took a long hiatus.  Hopefully with baby #2 (coming this Holiday season) we can get back on the cloth wagon.

Regardless, let me give you a tour!

Okay, I have my messenger style bag hanging from my Jeep because the jeep actually plays a role as you will see in the final pictures.

The first little front pocket holds my little things... lip gloss lip stick, a pencil, teething medicine, sometimes a crayon or two.

Here is the wallet section.  Regularly used cards are easy to get to and the less frequented are all in one zipper.  There is a great little change pocket, and then a whole other pocket not even utilized.  Sometimes I hold receipts or a check book there.

I am not anti-pink, but its not one of those colors I identify myself with like some women.  However, the bright pink interior does make it easier to find things than in my previous bag that had a black interior.  

Change of clothes.... I have a pretty neat baby so we rarely use this spare, but on occasion we pull it out and I'm glad to have it.  I pack the lightest outfit she has for this so it isn't too bulky.

The middle pocket without a zipper holds snacks and sometimes a small water bottle.  She can come up to my bag and get it herself if she wants.

Here are the diapers and wipes.  It can hold about 4 or 5 normal size diapers though its only picturing 2 thick night time diapers because I really need to go buy more.  Seriously we currently own 3 clean diapers in the world right now- next stop is the diaper store!

I THINK it could hold about 2 prefolds if I wanted to.

The back pocket is zipperless so I keep my phone here so it is quick and easy to get to when its time to snap a picture of cute little Adelaide doing something adorable... Yes, I rarely use this as a phone!  Also, some hand sanitizer. Sometimes I throw these two items in the "wallet" section so I can fit a book in there.  For the most part, if I'm reading a book it is through the kindle app on my iphone.  Consolidate!

And just because I like to keep it dorky, I keep my keys on a carabiner on a loop on the outside of the bag.  For just a touch extra of nerd, I sometimes clip my purse to my belt loop so it doesn't slide around as I bend over during play time at the museum or the park.

You might be thinking... that is not nearly enough stuff for a whole day's adventure away from the house!  How does she do it???

The secret is keeping a stash in the car.  Very rarely am I away from the car for so long that I would need 10 diapers, 2 changes of clothing, a trash bag, bandaids, etc.  So I keep a surplus in the car at all times.  Its is very easily stored and organized.

Reused a Tide Container for a trash can.  (Don't forget to empty when you get home!)

A change of clothes, plus a spare bag to put the dirty clothes in.  Again, don't forget to take out when you get home.  I left some vomit clothes in a bag for a week on accident and the mold was disgusting... I just threw the whole bag in the trash, clothes and all.

Of course a thing of wipes.  I refill it every now and then, usually part of my car cleaning routine.

This is a dish washing detergent container re-used to store this and that little things.... snack, boogie wipes, Neosporin, bandaids, teething med, sun screen, etc.  

Another re-used container that holds diapers.  It can hold about 20.  Right now it holds the 1 other diaper we have.  That's right, all the diapers we have in our possession right now are pictured in this one blog post.

And that is it!  I've been using this method for roughly 6 months and I am extremely pleased and have not run into one problem.  Even when I go out sans-baby, I tend to carry the whole bag with me, and it is no larger than the bag of someone without any children, so it doesn't look odd or feel heavy either.

I did find an added bonus to the diaper box in the car.  When we have grandparents take care of her at their house while we go out on a date, we just bring the box in, and with everything so well labeled and organized, it makes it super easy for them to find everything she needs.

I've wanted to blog about this since I got it because I know someone out there is googling "diaper bag that is not huge" and I hope you find this blog!  Email me if that is you!  (or if you like the idea)

The Cost of Being Born

Oh second pregnancy.  Morning sickness hit me hard the first time around, but not as bad the second time around.  Unfortunately, not as bad, is still pretty bad.  Especially when you have a very exciting toddler on the move.  I try my best to think of fun games that involve me laying down in a curled up position while she runs around the house.  I also have a little help here and there.  Earlier this week, a friend took her to the park while I just took a nice shower and a nap.  And in the afternoon a middle schooler helps me out with her so I have pretty good support.

First time around, I saw the doctor at just 4 weeks pregnant.  I had an ultrasound by 5 weeks, medicine, by 6 weeks... the ball started rolling fast.  This time around, I still have not decided on a care provider at just over 9 weeks!  I haven't even had an appointment.

My first birth was done at a birthing center, which I LOVED.  I didn't appreciate the care I was getting with the OB, I went to two different ones, and with both I had LONG waits (once I waited 90 minutes past my appointment time while sitting next to a sign that said if a patient is 15 minutes late they must pay for their appointment that would be cancelled for tardiness) and I had extremely short appointments with rushed doctors.  When I switched to the care of midwives at Austin Area Birthing Center I had max wait times of 5 minutes and 30 minute appointments- I rarely took the whole 30 minutes, but if I had a lot I needed to talk about, it was totally fine to chat for a long time.

2nd Time around it would seem an easy choice to go with the Birthing Center again.  But now that I have a toddler my thoughts are leaning toward a home birth.  If the baby comes in the middle of the night, little Adelaide can sleep in her room while the baby is being born on the other side of the house and wake up to a new sibling.  There is no fuss about where to send her, or worries that she will miss us from being gone so long.  Sure, this isn't that big of a deal, many kids do just fine, but I thought I'd look into it.  There is a group in town called Heart of Texas Midwives that I visited with.

Heart of Texas Midwives is a group of three midwives that I would meet with throughout my pregnancy and one of the three (whoever was on call) would attend my birth.  I like all three of them a lot.  One of them was even a midwife at the birthing center during the time I was pregnant with my first.  Their prenatal visits are about an hour long- the first one will be an hour and a half.  I really like my interview with one of the midwives.  I brought Adelaide along and she was pretty grumpy from having a pretty terrible night of teething and just wanted outside so badly.  So the midwife suggested we just have our appointment outside!  We went for a walk holding Adelaide's hands and swinging her between us.  I loved it.

I LOVED the birthing center and I LOVED the home birth midwives... but I was starting to think maybe since my insurance didn't cover midwifery I should try just going the normal american hospital route.  It wasn't as exciting or beautiful as a birthing center or home birth but maybe I should just hang up that idea for the sake of saving a little cash that could be rather used on fun things for the baby.

I called up the insurance company and found out the cost of a birth assuming I have a no complication vaginal natural birth.  I was surprised to discover that using insurance (Aetna) would not save me any money at all!  I would actually be spending a ridiculous amount more.

I'm glad I called the insurance company rather than just assuming it would cost less!  Keep in mind we don't have the BEST insurance.  We have a $2000 deductible plus we have to pay 40% of the cost after the deductible is met.  On the plus side, even though they don't technically cover midwifery, they will pay us back 10% of what we paid after the baby is born.  So that actually brings the cost down even more.

Now this is all assuming I am able to have a normal natural birth.  There are always chances that things could become complicated, but my chances are lower since I have already had one natural birth.  I do think if I started in the hospital it would be a higher chance, as I'm not sure I could deny an epidermal.  I might even order a c-section!  Having a baby is a really painful thing!

I hope this is a helpful little guide for someone who was trying to find the lower cost option.  This is just true of these certain places in Austin and with our particular insurance, but take the time to figure out the cost in your town before you jump to the conclusion that you should go with what your insurance covers.

Now I just have to decide which midwife group to choose.  Two great options!

A New 4 List Plan

We gave our four list plan a few weeks, and it went very well!  But after actually watching the Alton Brown episode about it we realized we could make a few changes.  The heart behind it was to be sure to eat certain foods that are very good for you.  If you focus on eating those good foods, you won't have much room for the bad.  And the "bad" which were on the once a week or never eat lists could use a little altering for our personality.  Like Alcohol is something we rarely drink so it really didn't need to be on the once a week list.  And we never ate canned soups or diet things anyway so why waste the space putting that on our "never eat" list.  Actually we realized we didn't really even need a "never eat" list, but rather a special occasion list.  

So here goes another go at our own version of the Four-List Plan!

The Guilbeau Gifts Rule of 4

Chris and I considered putting this out there for Adelaide's first Christmas, but then we realized... well we don't want to have to go with the rules too, so we can't hold her to them.

This year Santa found all three of us on the super nice list; we all found tons of great presents under the tree.  This only makes it more difficult to start the discipline of keeping a simple set of gift giving and receiving rules.  But with my birthday being the first in 2013, I have decided I will be the first to abide by the rules.

It's simply a guideline for us to follow for giving & receiving gifts.  For Chris and my birthdays, we really don't have to worry much about our parents or anyone giving outside the rules, but we do have to work hard with each other.  Birthdays are when the two of us kinda go out of control with showering each other with gifts.  I think having this set of rules will actually make it more fun though.  Instead of just giving him everything I can possibly think of that he might want and I can afford, I can be more mindful about it and try to get everything on the list maybe... though I might just have to skip "1 thing to wear" for him... my man likes to shop for his own clothes!

It will be a fun practice for the three of us to do for each other, but we are also going to ask everyone else to be a part of it.  We're not asking everyone to give each of us 4 gifts, but just asking that anyone who wants to give us gifts gives no more than 4 and no more than 1 of each category: WANT, READ, WEAR, HEALTHY; and nothing outside of those categories.  And if we end up with more, the task is to give it away.

So I have a feeling a game will be made of these rules like trying to make an excuse of how something fits a category that really doesn't..."yeah, this movie is a "read" just turn on the subtitles!"  I have a family member I can totally hear say that already.  And if someone tries that, its not the end of the world; in the end there are still only 4 gifts so it works itself out.  It might even be part of the holiday fun making something "fit" into a category.

If you've seen this list on Pinterest you might be thinking, something sounds different about this one.  Well, the list that is getting pinned everywhere is a little different instead of "Healthy" they have "need" which actually has better rhyming to it, but "need" just sounds too dramatic to me.  As middle-class Americans with just one kid, we don't really have any needs that aren't being met.  Healthy sounded like a fun alternative to me!  There is a lot of wiggle room there too.  I'm thinking of how my mom used to put oranges, apples, and nuts in our stocking- that's an obvious healthy!  Or this might sound like a stretch, but my this year my sister-in-law gave Adelaide some reusable snack bags (super cute) and I think we could put that under "healthy."  And while toy vegetables can't be eaten, maybe we can even sneak that in as a "healthy."  And my Christmas gift to Chris this year, a Nike + iPod could have easily gone under healthy OR wear!  (Its something you wear on your shoe that tracks your running stats.)

Well, there is about 6 months till the big 2 year birthday for Adelaide which is the BIG DEAL in the family (yeah, I'm turning the big three-oh but I'm pretty sure the 2 year old will still get the bigger party).  So this is the official announcement with 6 months notice for The Guilbeau Gifts Rule of 4.

Has anyone else tried this, or something like this?  How did it go for you?

More happy please!

I thoroughly annoyed a friend of mine a few months back as she rode with me and Adelaide to lunch.  Adelaide was a little fussy and needed a nap and at the time the best way to do this was to sing "twinkle twinkle little star" about 10 times.  After about time number 8 she was begging for a new song, and fortunately Adelaide was cool with switching it up with the itsy bitsy spider and fell asleep after about 3 rounds of it.  That friend has not since taken a ride with me and Adelaide; I assume she couldn't take another note!
But now we have a new song.  Much "worse" than before and it doesn't induce sleep but it gets the biggest smile that makes it worth it.  Perhaps its her favorite because she can ask for it by request.  "The more we get together"  She makes the sign for more and happy when she wants me to sing this tune:

The more we get together
together together
The more we get together
the happier we'll be
Cause your friends are my friends
and my friends are your friends
The more we get together
the happier we'll be.

Once I get to the part about friends she gets a little agetated because what she wants to hear is the words MORE and HAPPY.  Therefor, when times are hard the song goes a bit like this:

The MORRRRRRRRRE

New favorite word: ELMO

wegettogethertogethertogether
The MORRRRRRRRE
wegetogetherthe
HAPPIER will be.

The MORRRRRRRRRE
wegettogethertogethertogether
The MORRRRRRRRE
wegetogetherthe
HAPPIER will be.

and then when times are really tough we just go with....


The MORRRRRRRRRE
wegettogethertogethertogether
The MORRRRRRRRE
wegetogetherthe

The MORRRRRRRRRE
wegettogethertogethertogether
The MORRRRRRRRE
wegetogetherthe

The MORRRRRRRRRE
wegettogethertogethertogether
The MORRRRRRRRE
wegetogetherthe

and for some reason she never tires of it and for some even STRANGER reason... I never tire of it.  I love love love love love that smile, especially when she is having a bad day and we can turn it around with a song. :)

A couple years ago I was annoyed if the radio even played two Coldplay songs in a row... oh how a child changes the way you see... or sing.