It seems appropriate to write this blog as I sit down at the computer with a glass of milk and some bread and butter during my child's nap time, while the house is still pretty much considered a "disaster zone." It's 5:03 and I have yet to decide what is for dinner, but I have decided it really would be a waste of time to make the bed now, as its only 4 hours away from being slept in again.
I have been a stay at home mom (SAHM) now for about one year. People who are not SAHMs are pretty sure its the easiest job in the world while SAHMs often work very hard to let you know it is the most challenging job in the world. I once saw a status post on Facebook where a woman went into great detail about how being a SAHM is the most difficult job in the world while the five posts before it had to do with her increasingly high score on Words With Friends. It seems a good judge of how hard of a job a person has by how many posts they have on Facebook. I've noticed my friends who are teachers for example, have approximately zero posts till summer comes. I take that as proof, they are pretty busy people September-May.
So are SAHM's really working the most difficult job in the world? Well, if we look at some of the job responsibilities it appears as though every responsibility is actually very easy. Laundry? Easy. Cooking? eh easy enough. Changing diapers? After a month you can do it in the dark while half asleep. Feeding a baby? Doesn't get easier than the portable milk machine on your chest. Playing with dolls and blocks? If a child can do it, its pretty easy. Yup, everything a SAHM does is pretty easy. But here is the kicker. She has to do it all, all the time, with no vacation time or smoke break. To be funny, I posted on my Facebook profile that I was Stay at Home CEO at the Guilbeau Family Residence and proceeded to write my job description:
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| Eventually this will be a good thing right? |
Some things I'm responsible for in my job:
Making sure my baby is fed, cleaned, clothed and loved.
Reading to child to ensure she gains literacy skills.
Monitoring child's media consumption closely.
Ensuring that child has developmentally appropriate playthings that are safe and stimulating.
Feeding child nutritious milk while cuddling.
Cuddling some more.
Jumping up and down while holding 25 or more pounds (I'm referring to the baby's weight) just to get a laugh.
Singing silly songs
Playing hide and seek.
Going for walks to learn words as we pass dogs, cats, cars, trucks, people, flowers, trees...
Swinging at the park
Swimming at the pool while carefully monitoring safety
Going to children's museums
Keeping an eye on the local children's activities to attend.
Arranging for babysitting so husband and I can spend time together.
Attempting to find fun things for husband and I to do together when baby is being babysat.
Applying sunscreen and bug spray to child when appropriate... applying soothing cream when forgot the bug spray.
Paying close attention to diaper needs and changing as soon as aware of wetness.
Helping baby learn when to go to the potty.
Teaching sign language for better communication opportunities.
Bathing baby as needed (at least once every other day at most 4 times a day!)
Shopping for babies growing needs (toys, clothing, diapers, food, etc)
Shopping for families needs
Taking pictures of every single new thing that happens
Making note of every single new thing that happens
Keeping up with extended family about every single new thing that happens.
Coordinating daughter's (and husband's), play dates and doctor’s appointments.
Planing birthday parties for sweet family!
Planing menus, shop economically and prepare healthy meals (husband helps A LOT on this one).
Responsible for the cleanliness of the house and the family’s laundry.
Maintaining clean kitchen and bathroom surfaces while baby finds fun ways to make messes to clean up as well. Vacuuming, dusting and scrubbing are other cleaning duties.
And that list was not exhaustive. Though pretty much all of those things are pretty easy, and even enjoyable, it is a ton of stuff to be responsible for in a day or week. In addition, doing so many EASY things can really dull a mind. I often just long for some intelligent work that allows me to use a different part of my brain than the part of my brain responsible for cleaning and singing silly songs with Larry. Sure, we could say that all parents do these things even when they are working moms and dads. But I just believe there may be something about doing this 168 hours a week that makes it a little different than the approximate 123 hours for the working parent. Often (not always I know) the working parent usually gets a lunch break during the day or a little water cooler time to talk about what they heard on NPR that morning. The SAHM mostly talks about that mornings poop episode with other moms, or uses FaceTime to call husband to tell them about the pooptastrophie of the day. You see some differences in what is happening in the SAHM's brain vs. the accountants? Again, a major generalization.
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This before she was
even walking. |
So SAHMs are not just responsible for all those things and more, but also expected to do them at sporadic moments, never fully being able to finish one project before another begins (cooking dinner and BANG! child falls on her head and needs immediate attention- dinner burns or gets cold or gets forgotten or cleaning the kitchen floor while the dining room floor is being littered by sweet little fingers that still lack accuracy in directing food to mouth). Nap times can be unpredictable at times leaving you with no idea when you can get things done and for how long. Just in sitting down 45 min ago to write this blog I've been in her room twice helping her get back to sleep.
But nap times should be a good time to get some of that done right? Why do SAHM's waste it on the computer (in my case) or watching TV, playing games, or sleeping, or zoning out (in other people's, whom I do not judge at all because sometimes I do it too, case). Well for me today, I've been going non stop. I have a playful little girl who wants to play and run around the house. By golly, I love that about her, and I love running around with her! I prioritize that over pretty much my whole to-do list. Her childhood of learning, exploring, laughing and having fun is way more important than my dusting, vacuuming and bed making. But once she does go down to her nap I just don't' have that energy to keep go go going and speed clean my house or whip up some awesome meal like a mother of the 1950's. I don't know how they did it. I'm convinced they either didn't do it or they just had less crap all over their house like we have now thanks to things now being so much cheaper and more excess able (spell check changed my word accessible to "excess able" but I think that works for this sentence too!).
I suppose another hard thing about being a SAHM is that I make decisions to parent a certain way or manage a household in a certain way that I truly believe is best for my family, but I still have trouble dealing with the disapproval of those around me. Or probably more accurately my belief that I'm being disapproved of, when maybe no one even cares. At other jobs I've had, the way people judged my job performance was not so personal. I loved a good performance review! Now, I HATE any criticism. Even the slightest unsolicited advice drives me nuts. And lets not mention the lack of affirmation that sends me into an emotional whirlwind! Hmmm did I mention that most SAHM have serious hormonal stuff going on inside of them as well? FUN!
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| (Gotta give it up for the SAHD's too!) |
So yes, its nap time and the house is a disaster and dinner is not yet made, but I think I will just rest my tired legs, post a blog, check up on some friends on Facebook, look at some "old" pictures of my baby from 11 months ago, think of how to talk my husband into us just eating out tonight, and wait till she calls out for mamma again.
I have been a stay at home mom (SAHM) now for about one year. People who are not SAHMs are pretty sure its the easiest job in the world while SAHMs often work very hard to let you know it is the most challenging job in the world. I once saw a status post on Facebook where a woman went into great detail about how being a SAHM is the most difficult job in the world while the five posts before it had to do with her increasingly high score on Words With Friends. It seems a good judge of how hard of a job a person has by how many posts they have on Facebook. I've noticed my friends who are teachers for example, have approximately zero posts till summer comes. I take that as proof, they are pretty busy people September-May. 
