Letter of Resignation to Facebook

To Whom it may concern,

As of September 4th, 2012 I am deactivating, once again, my Facebook account.  This time I am sad to report it will be final.  I will likely be looking for the method it takes to actually preeminently deactivate your account in the mean time.

I joined Facebook on April 11, 2005.  It was a very fun start.  I enjoyed collecting college friends and poking people for fun.  As I was graduating it was a great way to see who was moving where after college and a neat way to see who was getting married and what jobs people were getting.  Then it became open to people without the .edu email address.  Since Facebook came out my senior year of college I hadn't previously been able to have Facebook friends just a year older than me or friends that didn't attend college at all; I loved being able to connect with even more friends.  Each time I moved to a new town Facebook helped me find an old friend to reconnect with.  When I needed advice, I could always just post a little question and get a handful of responses within the hour.  But these advantages are outweighed and I find it is finally time to let go.  Allow me to give only a few of many reasons.

Sociologist have discovered Facebook is making people sad.

Facebook, as one of the most popular social networking sites among college students, provides a platform for people to manage others' impressions of them. People tend to present themselves in a favorable way on their Facebook profile. This research examines the impact of using Facebook on people's perceptions of others' lives. It is argued that those with deeper involvement with Facebook will have different perceptions of others than those less involved due to two reasons. First, Facebook users tend to base judgment on examples easily recalled (the availability heuristic). Second, Facebook users tend to attribute the positive content presented on Facebook to others' personality, rather than situational factors (correspondence bias), especially for those they do not know personally. Questionnaires, including items measuring years of using Facebook, time spent on Facebook each week, number of people listed as their Facebook “friends,” and perceptions about others' lives, were completed by 425 undergraduate students taking classes across various academic disciplines at a state university in Utah. Surveys were collected during regular class period, except for two online classes where surveys were submitted online. The multivariate analysis indicated that those who have used Facebook longer agreed more that others were happier, and agreed less that life is fair, and those spending more time on Facebook each week agreed more that others were happier and had better lives. Furthermore, those that included more people whom they did not personally know as their Facebook “friends” agreed more that others had better lives.

Affective social network—happiness inducing social media platform
Hyun-Jun Kim, Seung-Bo Park, Geun-Sik JoMultimedia Tools and Applications. Jul 2012

Proper Etiquette has not been well defined or adhered to.


Remember when it was rude to talk about religion, money, or politics in mixed company?  Well I'd like to believe this was still true, yet on Facebook where it is an extreme version of mixed company, people speak of all three sometimes all at once very loudly and with a picture of Gene Wilder beside a their snarky remarks.  I get even more upset when someone tags me in a picture like this or posts it on my wall.  Would you take a picture like that and post it on my front lawn?  If you did, would it be so surprising if I took it down?  


Another odd etiquette situation: comments people post on my wall about my pictures or status updates.  I know they would never say the same thing in person or on TV but they say it on Facebook because they find it to be a safe place to say whatever comes to mind not realizing all the people that will read it.  And here begins a problem for me. I realize I am not better.  I do it so often too.  I recently posted an opinion on Facebook (my bad) and had very conflicting (and in my opinion very rude) comments to follow.  Everyone wanted the last word.  I ESPECIALLY wanted the last word.  Unless of course the other person's last words were, you were right!  HAHA, which we all know is extremely rare for that to happen.  Unfortunately the person with the last comment on the thread often says to their friends later "Did you see how I got her there?  She didn't have anything to say after that." When in reality she probably just got tired of fighting a brick wall.


I find graffiti unpleasant to the eye.


I'm always a little sad when I drive by a nice building with graffiti on the wall.  Or when I see carved in a beautiful oak tree something like "Justin Beber sucks."  And so it is when I see someone otherwise beautiful "share" picture after picture of unimportant things.  I absolutely LOVE seeing posts of people's children (I know not everyone agrees with me here) and I LOVE reading what their grandchild did that day that they are proud of, or reading how much someone loves their wife.  I love seeing when my friend's status changes to "in a relationship" or when someone posts a lovely picture of the Rocky Mountains from their vacation.  But all these lovely posts are completely graffitied by these ugly posts that have to do with how much they hate the president or hate conservatives or how stupid these people are to think that or how our country is going to crumble the moment this person gets elected.  Really?


Okay Okay, I like the occasional tongue in cheek post or just plain silly picture of a cross eyed kitten. I wish that people would live by this simple rule: If I wouldn't put this on a bumper sticker on my car, I shouldn't put it on my facebook wall.


The Death of Facts


A few weeks ago the eulogy of Facts was read on NPR.  I was so sad to hear it died.  I mourn its loss even.  Every time I look at my newsfeed I see a host of opinions and erroneous statements stated as absolute fact.  Each time I see this it is like I am reliving that sad day that Facts died.


I want to dedicate more time to human interaction.


My first point in this letter was about how people don't really know people like they think they do.  I'd like to work on that.  I often see people's posts and think, "oh they have so much fun, they don't want to hang out with little ol' me." Or sometimes I don't bother to ask how someone is doing because, well I already stalk them on Facebook and they say they are doing great there.  And on the other side of it, I generally post beautiful posts about how beautiful my life is.  Someone asked me the other day, "Adelaide is such a happy baby!  I only ever see her smiling!"  Okay, I'll admit Adelaide is a pretty happy baby, so you are right there, but she does cry at least a couple times a day, like every single baby in the world. :)  But not only do I not take pictures of that, but if I did capture it on camera I'm not likely to post it for the world to see.  


One of my friends' was just telling me (in real life mind you) how her baby cried all the way to day care in her car seat and she worried she was damaging her by taking her to day care.  "Adelaide is always laughing and having a good time in the car seat." Ummmm no.  The only reason I took a video or picture of Adelaide laughing in the car seat in the early months is because it was EXTREMELY rare.  (Now that she is older it is finally better thank the Lord!)  So if we were more real with each other she wouldn't have made that comparison that made her feel bad when it probably had nothing to do with day care at all.


I want to dedicate more time to my family/Facebook on iPhone is addictive.


Have you ever seen some mom at the park pushing her kid on the swing while checking her Facebook newsfeed on her smart phone?  I just want to take a picture of her with my smart phone and show her what she looks like!  She would feel so bad and stop doing it.  Oh wait, I do the same thing!  We'll be sitting eating lunch and she'll be jabbering on and I'm "liking" this and commenting on that.  Oh, and then taking a picture of her being silly and posting that too.  Facebook has something addictive about it if it keeps me from spending real time with my unbelievably amazing and fun baby girl.  


One Facebook deactivator wrote it well:

And I’m guessing that the cute picture of your baby doing a silly thing that you just mobile-uploaded would’ve been a lot more meaningful if you weren’t distracted by the Facebook posting ritual in the wake of the moment.

 Why I Deleted My Facebook Account
by LAW FIRM 10
OCTOBER 18, 2011

Then there are those special times when she takes a nap in the car seat and my husband is driving... perfect time to update my status or look at what everyone else is doing! What?  I haven't had a "date night" with my husband in months and here we have 15-30 min of  quiet time where we can actually talk and I'm using it to look at an itty bitty screen.


I want to dedicate more time to my hobby.


So I don't just want to spend time with human beings.  I have a little hobby.  Perhaps you've noticed on Facebook, that I love taking pictures and making videos.  When Adelaide is taking a nap and Chris as at work and the house is clean enough, I want to work on getting better at my hobby.  Maybe when Adelaide (and any subsequent children) are off to school I could make a little income on the side by doing wedding video editing or a little photography.  While Facebook is a great venue to post these things and get people's encouragement, I think I might be just better off sticking to posting on a blog and emailing people when I need to fish for complements.  

The list goes on, but I will end here....
So why September 4th?  Good question.  I'd like to give my friends a chance to jot down my info if they want to get a hold of me post-Facebook deactivation.  I'd also like to use FB as I'm finishing up Adelaide's 1st year book to help me remember what days she did her "firsts" since I used Facebook much like a web log.  And finally, on September 3rd is the final day for a photo contest I entered her in on Facebook.  AHHH, I know that makes me sound so hypocritical!  But hey, I think she is going to be one of the winners of a $50 gift and that just sounds like a good way to end my Facebooking days.  So September 4th it is.


If you are interested in seeing my photography and videos or knowing what my family is up to, please just subscribe to my blog.  I will post from time to time, not as frequently as Facebook, yet hopefully more meaningfully than Facebook.  
And please always remember that I generally only post about the good times, but I'm always happy to talk to you in real life about the good, the bad, the ugly and keepin' it real.


Sincerely,
Elizabeth




And as if it was on cue, baby girl just woke up from her nap, so I can push "publish" and get to playing with her and enjoying real life. :)