Setting boundaries with a nursing toddler... for people who are terrible at setting boundaries.

Yes, I am "still" nursing Adelaide.  When she was born I began the practice of feeding "on cue."  This practice is not for everyone, but for us it created a quick bond in breastfeeding, helped give me confidence, and feel connected with my daughter as we were mutually communicating with each other from the start.  I believe it really got her off to a very healthy start- her weight gain was perfect.  But somewhere along the line... I think maybe close to her one year mark, "on cue" became "on demand."  Le Leche League uses the two phrases synonymously, but I find there to be a difference.  "On cue" describing more of the innate reactions to being hungry, and "on demand" describing wanting the milk and demanding it, regardless of hunger.

Being so used to our perfect breastfeeding relationship I don't think I really picked up on it.  In the mom groups I'm a part of, its actually not even looked down on so it didn't occur to me to be a problem.

But finally it started to feel like breastfeeding in general was a problem.  I just couldn't handle it any more, I tried to quit cold turkey twice.  I would go one or two days without it and she would be so sad, and I was so sad too.  There are several health benefits to continuing breastfeeding into her toddler days so I didn't REALLY want to quit.  But feeding several times a day was becoming too much, and feeding at any hour and any place was getting to be a real difficult situation.  Picture a toddler in the seat of the grocery cart just at breast level, lounging out of the cart, fussing "milk! milk!" as you walk down isle 8.

Boundaries.  That's what we were missing.  I stink at setting boundaries.  And telling her "wait till we get home" wasn't working either.  She didn't understand when we would be home.  Sometimes I'd feed her in the car, sometimes in a restroom.  We lacked a consistency.  Sometimes at home I had time to feed her, sometimes it just wasn't a good time... i.e. while cooking or going to the bathroom.

Here's the part where I tell you how I did it....

So I found a way to set boundaries in a way that kept me more consistent and in a way that she could understand.  I bought an alarm clock intended to help children understand when to stay in bed and when it was okay to get up in the morning.  It has a red light (red stay in bed) that stays on till the alarm (noiseless) goes off and turns green.  So I set the alarm for when I will be ready to nurse her again.  I also try to keep in mind when she typically wants to nurse which right now is about 4 or 5 hours after the last time.  When we are sitting on the couch and she wants to start nursing (her habit is when I'm sitting she crawls in my lap and start nursing if she is bored).  So as she starts going for my shirt I say in an excited way, "go look at the light."  She runnnnnns to her room and looks at the light and if its red she simply goes on with her day.  Sometimes she so cute as to say "awe mannnnnn" with a smile.  If it is green she runnnnnns back to me happy as can be and pulls me into her room to nurse.  Sometimes she is so excited that the light is green that she stops nursing just to smile at the light and say "light greeeeeeeen."  She loves it.  I think she isn't even that upset about the fact that it is red so often.  It seems to be something she looks forward to.  I love it when she discovers it green without me prompting her.

The first day we did this I set the alarm often so she could learn that every time it is green she gets to nurse.  I also kept telling her, "okay, we're going to nurse in your room from now on any time the light is green."  So she has somewhat got that idea down.  I remind her often, but when she remembers she doesn't get too upset.

And thats that.

Sometimes when we are out she still wants to nurse and I just ask, "what color is the light?"  She looks around and I say, "the light is at home, we will have to wait till we are home to see the light."  And then she more or less drops the subject.  She might bring it up again in 10 min, but its okay, we're still working on it.

One more thing.  I got some advice from someone who weaned her 2 and a half year old not long ago.  She said she kept it very light and not too serious and it went over pretty easily for her daughter.  I thought that was excellent advice so though I'm not 100% weaning right now, I am trying to keep this process pretty light (no pun intended) as well.  So I never say "the light is red" with a serious face.  If I don't get too upset about it she won't either.

Small, simple, and easy diaper bag... That does not look like a diaper bag!

A few months ago I left my wallet in the car with the car unlocked and the next morning my wallet (and GPS on an unrelated note) were gone.  This huge frustration led me to think about the question "WHY did I leave my wallet in the car unlocked?"  As I broke it down, I realized the reason was because I had way too many things (along with one beautiful toddler) I was lugging in an out of the car every day.  The evening I left my wallet in the car, I thought, well that's one less thing I'll have to carry to the car in the morning.  Dumb.  

So I needed a new solution.  I felt my huge diaper bag with 7 cloth diapers in it, and everything else I needed to take care of a baby on the run, had to go.  Plus, I needed to buy I new wallet.  So I hit the mall, hoping to spot just the right thing.  And I did!  

In Hallmark Gold Crown Store of all places, I found the perfect bag, not at all marketed to be a diaper bag!  The brand is baggallini and I have since seen it in many other shops.  They come in many styles and colors, and I tested out all the ones in the store by putting diapers in them, and all my other junk just to see if it would fit, and this one worked.  

The one fall back is I had to give up cloth diapering... at least "on-the-go" which was a slippery slope that led to no cloth diapering ever.  My little one refuses to wear them after I took a long hiatus.  Hopefully with baby #2 (coming this Holiday season) we can get back on the cloth wagon.

Regardless, let me give you a tour!

Okay, I have my messenger style bag hanging from my Jeep because the jeep actually plays a role as you will see in the final pictures.

The first little front pocket holds my little things... lip gloss lip stick, a pencil, teething medicine, sometimes a crayon or two.

Here is the wallet section.  Regularly used cards are easy to get to and the less frequented are all in one zipper.  There is a great little change pocket, and then a whole other pocket not even utilized.  Sometimes I hold receipts or a check book there.

I am not anti-pink, but its not one of those colors I identify myself with like some women.  However, the bright pink interior does make it easier to find things than in my previous bag that had a black interior.  

Change of clothes.... I have a pretty neat baby so we rarely use this spare, but on occasion we pull it out and I'm glad to have it.  I pack the lightest outfit she has for this so it isn't too bulky.

The middle pocket without a zipper holds snacks and sometimes a small water bottle.  She can come up to my bag and get it herself if she wants.

Here are the diapers and wipes.  It can hold about 4 or 5 normal size diapers though its only picturing 2 thick night time diapers because I really need to go buy more.  Seriously we currently own 3 clean diapers in the world right now- next stop is the diaper store!

I THINK it could hold about 2 prefolds if I wanted to.

The back pocket is zipperless so I keep my phone here so it is quick and easy to get to when its time to snap a picture of cute little Adelaide doing something adorable... Yes, I rarely use this as a phone!  Also, some hand sanitizer. Sometimes I throw these two items in the "wallet" section so I can fit a book in there.  For the most part, if I'm reading a book it is through the kindle app on my iphone.  Consolidate!

And just because I like to keep it dorky, I keep my keys on a carabiner on a loop on the outside of the bag.  For just a touch extra of nerd, I sometimes clip my purse to my belt loop so it doesn't slide around as I bend over during play time at the museum or the park.

You might be thinking... that is not nearly enough stuff for a whole day's adventure away from the house!  How does she do it???

The secret is keeping a stash in the car.  Very rarely am I away from the car for so long that I would need 10 diapers, 2 changes of clothing, a trash bag, bandaids, etc.  So I keep a surplus in the car at all times.  Its is very easily stored and organized.

Reused a Tide Container for a trash can.  (Don't forget to empty when you get home!)

A change of clothes, plus a spare bag to put the dirty clothes in.  Again, don't forget to take out when you get home.  I left some vomit clothes in a bag for a week on accident and the mold was disgusting... I just threw the whole bag in the trash, clothes and all.

Of course a thing of wipes.  I refill it every now and then, usually part of my car cleaning routine.

This is a dish washing detergent container re-used to store this and that little things.... snack, boogie wipes, Neosporin, bandaids, teething med, sun screen, etc.  

Another re-used container that holds diapers.  It can hold about 20.  Right now it holds the 1 other diaper we have.  That's right, all the diapers we have in our possession right now are pictured in this one blog post.

And that is it!  I've been using this method for roughly 6 months and I am extremely pleased and have not run into one problem.  Even when I go out sans-baby, I tend to carry the whole bag with me, and it is no larger than the bag of someone without any children, so it doesn't look odd or feel heavy either.

I did find an added bonus to the diaper box in the car.  When we have grandparents take care of her at their house while we go out on a date, we just bring the box in, and with everything so well labeled and organized, it makes it super easy for them to find everything she needs.

I've wanted to blog about this since I got it because I know someone out there is googling "diaper bag that is not huge" and I hope you find this blog!  Email me if that is you!  (or if you like the idea)