I get it (now) Part Two: EC is not Potty Training

When I learned that in many countries babies were completely diaper free by age 1 and often babies were even using the potty on cue at birth I had to learn more.  Well... by learn more, I mean I wanted to figure out how I could get my baby out of diapers ASAP.  It didn't take long for me to stumble upon websites like DiaperFreeBaby.org and ECsimplifed.com.  They all want you to know up front:

She loved to bring her baby doll to the potty with her.

Elimination Communication is NOT Potty Training!
Yeah, Yeah, gentle communication, non-coersive, hippie talk.  I'm down with that.  BUT mostly, I was down with bragging to my friends that my baby was potty trained by month one and completely diaper free and potty independent by age 1 year.
Okay.  I have a brilliant, wonderful, super smart, creative 2 year old now who is still working on being potty trained... or potty "learned" if I stick to my hippie terms.  I'd say she is pretty advanced in it considering we've never done a potty training boot camp or anything of that nature.  There is just a little confusion in certain areas, like remembering to pull down pants before sitting on the potty and what not.
But what I finally get now is that Elimination Communication is not potty training... and that's not just hippie talk.
I loved doing EC.  As a cloth diaper person, it was nice to only wash about 20 diapers per week because she was using the potty almost every time, and for 6 months never went #2 in her diaper.  Just the fact that we weren't changing diapers, cleaning crazy poop bottoms, or washing tons of diapers, and spending money on extra detergent, for that first year makes all the EC effort worth it to me. So I don't feel it was a waste of time, and will likely try it again for this next baby.
I just had this unrealistic expectation that when she started walking she'd naturally not need me any more and just walk to the potty and go.  Hm.  That's not what happened.  Not only is that not what happened but she got so active I quit keeping up with her as much and was un able to sense when she needed to go and take her in time.  Some of that was really just me being lazy and EC is not for the lazy.  You really have to be completely in tune with your kid.
She was still not ready to just take herself to the potty even though she could walk.  No where did I ever read that when kids start walking they start being potty independent.  But that was in my head and so when it didn't happen I threw the baby out with the water... wait, the baby stayed, but the cloth diapers, the trying to do EC, all that got thrown to the curb.
So I get it now, EC is not potty training after all, it really just is a way to be a little more sanitary with your baby's potty needs and saves diapers and washes.  Maybe it helps with potty "training" in the future.  I'm not sure of that since I gave up just a little too early probably.  But regardless, I loved doing EC that first year and would... will... do it agin!

I get it (now). Part 1

I'd like to start a series on my blog called "I get that (now)."  But the truth is, I probably won't get past part 1 because I have so much trouble getting around to blogging (this post has been written in 2 sentence chucks for day now and in my brain for weeks).  Also I'm not a legit blogger so who has an audience that cares if I have a "series."  Regardless, I'm going to try and I will start now with... I get that now part 1.

Starting at about two and a half years ago till about 15 weeks ago, if you told me you were pregnant I'd recommend  The Business of Being Born."  And if you watched it and still planned a hospital birth with a doctor and/or (much "worse") an epidural or be induced, I would be stunned.  Buuuut, I think I kinda get it now.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still planning a home birth, and pray there is no reason I need to be transferred to a hospital.  But I do get why people want to do it and okay, I now no longer believe you are crazy if you are that person, because I think I get it and if that's what you need to do, I am totally supportive.


When I was about 14 weeks pregnant with this current pregnancy I had a huge scare.  I was having a lot of back pain that I assumed was constipation.  (Yes, constipation.  It's one of those "normal" pregnancy things that I experienced with pregnancy #1 and #2.)  So while I'm at the pharmacy trying to pick out something to help move things along that is also safe with pregnancy I felt like I peed a little in my pants... which I usually don't do just standing around, but another "normal" pregnancy symptom of second, third, fourth, pregnancy (sometimes 1st) is you sneeze-pee, cough-pee, run-pee, you get the point.

So I darted to the restroom to avoid embarrassment- I'm didn't have my baby bump to justify myself at this time so potentially super embarrassing!  When I got in the restroom I saw I had spotted a little and then as I sat to use the restroom, a huge flow of blood came.  Immediate freak out.  Who wouldn't?  I quickly exited the pharmacy, got in the car, and called husband who was out on a Sunday bike ride with our daughter without his phone.  When I got to the house I called the midwife and she told me to remain calm, which I was not.  I was crying, because I believed I had lost the baby as that is the only reason I have heard of for having large amounts of bleeding this early in pregnancy.  She told me its okay, it does not necessarily mean I lost the baby but I was pretty sure she was just trying to keep me calm.  She told me to go to the ER so they could check me out.  Since it was a sunday it was my only option.  Fortunately, as I was exiting my house and posting a note to my husband on the door, he rode up and was able to come with me.

On the short ride to the ER I did calm down, and just excepted that I was having a miscarriage.  I thought about how I would tell people.  I called a friend to come pick up Adelaide so she didn't have to spend the afternoon in the ER.

The insensitive doctor at the ER told me I was most likely having a miscarriage, but its "not a big deal.  50% of women have a miscarriage, so its not uncommon.  In fact that's why you really shouldn't talk about being pregnant till you are well into your second trimester."  That was ridiculous.  I'm not going to go into the many ways I think that doctor needs to go back to med school and learn bedside manners, or maybe go back to elementary school to learn manners in general.

So they wheel me up to the ultrasound room to take a look at the baby.  This bothered me, I'm not sure how they should have done it differently, but I wasn't really eager to see a dead or dying baby inside of me.  But when we started looking, we saw the baby with its head, eyes, 2 legs, 2 arms (we didn't ask for the gender stuff) and that baby was moving around with a heart beating just as normally as possible.  The ultrasound tech said it looked great in his opinion.  But I was still bleeding with no idea why.

The ER doctor gave me an exam, which I hope never has to happen again in my life, because I'd rather have someone trained specifically in "that area" checking out "that area."  He said everything looked normal, but there was a "50% chance" I would "loose the baby in the next 2 days."  To which I asked, "well then why would I be bleeding if I'm on the side of not loosing the baby?"  To which he responded, "nobody knows." Of course I found out later lots of medical professionals know the answer to that question, even a google search I did had the answer to that question, so actually he just didn't know.  But not the point.

The next two days I laid in bed not wanting to move an inch.  I didn't nurse my child because I was afraid maybe that would have something to do with it, I didn't even go #2 in case that had something to do with it!  I was very scared.

Then on day 2 I went to the midwife's office and she checked for a heart beat.  For two days I had no idea if I had a living baby inside of me, but then I knew with the sound of a normal heart beat, I did have an alive baby!  That afternoon I went to a doctor who partners with the midwives and specializes in high-risk pregnancies.  Though his own wife had home births and he wrote a book on natural child birth he probably has done loads of c-sections and very medical like births due to the nature of his specialty.  They took a look and saw my very healthy baby in there and at my placenta a subchorionic Hematoma.  It actually happens to about 20% of women.  Some women are not even aware it happened, and sadly it does result in miscarriage some of the time, but not all of the time.  I asked the doctor, "do you think this means I shouldn't have a home birth?" I was pretty sure he'd tell me I needed to go with him instead.  "Nope, I don't see any reason why you can't have your baby at home."
Even though the doctor who specializes in hospital birth told me I didn't need to come to the hospital, I still felt this need to go the medical, hospital, doctor, don't-trust-my-own-body route.  That whole situation was just so scary.  What if some other scary thing happened that I didn't see coming?

Well with time, I've come around to my normal self who says things like, "Well I could also have a stroke right now, and I'd be a lot safer if I stayed at a hospital for my whole life instead of hanging out alone with a toddler at home." or "What if choke on my food while I'm alone and no one can rescue me?  I should only eat in the presents of other adults."  But that's not life, I don't play the what if game like that, so I'm not going to do it with something as natural as giving birth.

But back to natural and normal.  NOTHING about being pregnant or giving birth feels natural or normal.  Vulvar Varicosities???  Let me just say if you are a man, do not click on that link, you might be scarred, in fact, if you don't have a strong stomach you might want to just stop reading this post right here.  And women, only check it out if you are in your second pregnancy and in a lot of pain down there and want to know how to get relief.  My husband says my V2 Supporter, that has basically given me life back since I discovered it, looks a bit like if Victoria Secret started making climbing gear.  Yeah so feeling like you have bricks tied to your vagina pulling you down all day unless you sit down does not feel natural or normal at all.  Then there was the day I was at a coffee shop enjoying a beverage and pastry when suddenly I broke into a terrible sweat tried to stand up, fell down, while my sight went completely blurred and my ears started ringing and everything around me was muffled.  Yeah the only other time that has happened besides pregnancy is a few minutes after giving birth to a 10 pound baby.  So that also does not feel normal to me.  That hematoma?  Not cool!  Not something I experience on a regular basis.  Sneeze-peeing?  Gross.  Not normal.  Acne, age spots, teeth problems, uncomfortable sex and I won't even go into all the weird things about actually giving birth to a baby!  Well not in this post.



What I am trying to get at without giving more horrifying symptoms I have had that are totally "normal" is that nothing about being pregnant seems normal to me!  I totally get why you would want to go to a hospital with drugs, constant monitoring, people who will babysit your baby the day its born so you can sleep after a long labor.  I even see why you might just go in and choose for someone to do surgery on you.1  Being pregnant and having a baby is just totally weird, uncomfortable, and does not feel at all normal or natural... to me.

In my quest to try to apologize for sounding judgmental in the past about natural child birth I've probably offended some still because I am still very ignorant about somethings without knowing it.  But I'm learning.  I hope you choose to have a birth that leaves you feeling empowered and amazing and strong.  But if you choose to do that in a way much different than I do... I think I get it.  You go girl.


1I'm aware cesarean section is not always a choice, but I'm also aware its a choice people make because I almost went that route myself before doing some research that talked me out of it.  Did you know that 98% middle to upper class women in Brazil opt for c-cection and most doctors have never even seen a 100% natural birth? TANGENT